Fight Dogs, I'm For Ya

Last week I broke my left big toe.

It was painful, and I cried much after the fact.

I asked, nay, begged, to be allowed to get medical attention, only to be told that if I did, I should expect my things to be destroyed and new locks on the doors (to my own house, nevertheless!), and I would be arrested for "trespassing".  What the fuck...?

This lovely news was brought to me by my mother who has been living with us for over a year now. What started out as an "I need a place to stay for the weekend" has turned into a thirteen month nightmare with me as the catalyst. My mother dislikes me. Down right hates me. I've known that for twenty-six years, and that is not what bothers me. What bothers me is how well she has everyone else convinced that I am the Ultimate Evil and how she is the innocent victim.

It also bothers me that my brother in law is back to screwing around with his ex, who abused the ever loving shit out of this entire dysfunctional family for eight years and how he did nothing to stop it. She's back, with him in her clutches, and there's nothing I can do but cut him loose. When I found this out as I was being wheeled down to radiology, I slammed on the breaks of the wheelchair and demanded that he go back and get me a nurse or orderly to take me the rest of the way to radiology. Fuck that shit. I wasn't going to have some one who was as stupid as him take me anywhere.

The sob story came much, much later, when he was telling me this afternoon how his ex has not contacted him since Monday, when she begged a few grand out of him. "And you sent it to her, right?" I asked. He didn't answer that, so I can only feel that he really did give her the money. That's all he is to her, money bags. Rich Idiot, if you will. I promptly told him not to contact me anymore. I don't need that shit in my life at this time.

Upon glancing at his blog, he's in a sexual relationship with someone named Amanda. I wonder if this is his plot to try to say that my friend Mandy is sleeping with him, so I should trust him. Sorry, dude. That doesn't work for me.

I am tempted to move my brother in law in with my mother and let them kill each other. Hey, it's a thought!

There are many thoughts swimming through my mind right now. None that is worthy of being written down, though.

Last week I broke my left big toe.

It was painful, and I cried much after the fact.

I asked, nay, begged, to be allowed to get medical attention, only to be told that if I did, I should expect my things to be destroyed and new locks on the doors (to my own house, nevertheless!), and I would be arrested for "trespassing".  What the fuck...?

This lovely news was brought to me by my mother who has been living with us for over a year now. What started out as an "I need a place to stay for the weekend" has turned into a thirteen month nightmare with me as the catalyst. My mother dislikes me. Down right hates me. I've known that for twenty-six years, and that is not what bothers me. What bothers me is how well she has everyone else convinced that I am the Ultimate Evil and how she is the innocent victim.

It also bothers me that my brother in law is back to screwing around with his ex, who abused the ever loving shit out of this entire dysfunctional family for eight years and how he did nothing to stop it. She's back, with him in her clutches, and there's nothing I can do but cut him loose. When I found this out as I was being wheeled down to radiology, I slammed on the breaks of the wheelchair and demanded that he go back and get me a nurse or orderly to take me the rest of the way to radiology. Fuck that shit. I wasn't going to have some one who was as stupid as him take me anywhere.

The sob story came much, much later, when he was telling me this afternoon how his ex has not contacted him since Monday, when she begged a few grand out of him. "And you sent it to her, right?" I asked. He didn't answer that, so I can only feel that he really did give her the money. That's all he is to her, money bags. Rich Idiot, if you will. I promptly told him not to contact me anymore. I don't need that shit in my life at this time.

Upon glancing at his blog, he's in a sexual relationship with someone named Amanda. I wonder if this is his plot to try to say that my friend Mandy is sleeping with him, so I should trust him. Sorry, dude. That doesn't work for me.

I am tempted to move my brother in law in with my mother and let them kill each other. Hey, it's a thought!

There are many thoughts swimming through my mind right now. None that is worthy of being written down, though.

Another Night

Why is it that I dread the night so much?

The darkness? Or the fact that I cannot sleep anymore? I toss. I turn. I feel like I am crawling out of my skin. There is nothing that will relieve this in me. Nothing that I have, anyway. I know what will relieve it. Narcotics. After all this time, that is what I truly want. That is what I need.

My mum wants me to give her more money. Apparently, she found out about my four-month thing with Robert coming over, falling asleep after orgasm, and me getting first pick of his wallet. He doesn't care, but he doesn't like my mum, either. He tells me that the money cannot be spent on her. I tell him that I cannot keep the money if she finds out about it. At least her addiction is legal, she says.

I am never content at night. Stiff neck. Crawling out of my skin. Too hot. Too cold. Too achy. In need of a fix. Nothing working out. It's too dark. I do my best sleeping when the sun is bright in the sky and the air is warm. I want to stay awake at night and see the stars. It's been too long since I've seen the stars. Perhaps that is why I cannot sleep properly. I have been deprived of watching the stars dance in the sky at night.

Why is it that I dread the night so much?

The darkness? Or the fact that I cannot sleep anymore? I toss. I turn. I feel like I am crawling out of my skin. There is nothing that will relieve this in me. Nothing that I have, anyway. I know what will relieve it. Narcotics. After all this time, that is what I truly want. That is what I need.

My mum wants me to give her more money. Apparently, she found out about my four-month thing with Robert coming over, falling asleep after orgasm, and me getting first pick of his wallet. He doesn't care, but he doesn't like my mum, either. He tells me that the money cannot be spent on her. I tell him that I cannot keep the money if she finds out about it. At least her addiction is legal, she says.

I am never content at night. Stiff neck. Crawling out of my skin. Too hot. Too cold. Too achy. In need of a fix. Nothing working out. It's too dark. I do my best sleeping when the sun is bright in the sky and the air is warm. I want to stay awake at night and see the stars. It's been too long since I've seen the stars. Perhaps that is why I cannot sleep properly. I have been deprived of watching the stars dance in the sky at night.