Well, it's finally happened. Come Monday I am going to be briefed on dialysis and then scheduled for my first trip some time next week. The whole idea depresses me like I have never been depressed before. Why is this happening? I have asked that question to myself many times. While I know why it happened, biologically and chemically, it was only a percentage that I was in, and the majority of this not happening was on my side. Yet it happened anyway.
My (asshole!) doctor wanted to blame the chemicals that I work with. They can cause severe kidney damage. Sure. If I had worked there for fifty years. He then blames the metformin that I have been on for the past four years. Well, he wanted me to take it because it causes weight loss. He also told me there were no horribly wrong side effects. Um, sure. See, I knew better. If I were an everyday person I could have a lawsuit against him at the moment, but as a bio-chemist, I knew the risks of taking the medicine and I still took it. Having my mother tell me that at 173 lbs, losing 30 lbs since Halloween night, made me less of an embarrassment to her. Of course she's in her 60s and living off me, but I'm the embarrassment because I was a few pounds overweight. Technically for my height I wasn't even obese, but I stopped eating, got depressed, and here I am. Though my loving doctor and mother want me down to 100 lbs even by summer. I was encouraged that I could do this. Ever see a 100 lb 6' 1" person? We don't look good. We look like we survived the holocaust. We have no energy. Ten years ago I was down to 100 - 90 lbs and I looked like total shit. No tits. No energy. Constant pains. But damn, I wasn't an embarrassment to my mother, her family, or my doctor. The people whom I should have truly been trying to please weren't interested in my weight; I've always been perfect to them.
I was put on a double transplant list yesterday. Monday I pick up my pager to wait for the news that there is a kidney or lung (yes, those are fucked up too). I'm not sure if this will affect my trip to Sydney, or the trip to Las Vegas in March. I've already paid for my tickets and I want to go. My plane to Sydney is supposed to leave on Thursday morning and I return on Sunday the fifth. I had everything planned, from a new camera to a ton of GBs of space to take pictures and video. I even stocked up on spare batteries and a fast charger so I wouldn't run out of juice on the trip. Then there's my "artisan" make up because I was supposed to be a part of the filming we're going to. I can't get on camera with a dialysis cath in my arm with the bruises to go with it. This all has screwed up my entire pleasure in looking forward to the trip; I haven't been to Australia for pleasure since 2003. Dennis was also looking forward to seeing DW again. I guess he can do that without me there, though. Nothing would be stopping him. I haven't told anyone about this, other than posting it here, for people to sympathise with me over it. Let's have that Pity Party for me!
On a lighter note, I have a couple of family members who are going to take blood tests and such to see if they match and I can get a kidney from them, possibly. I know my cousin BJ got tested. I'm not sure if I truly need my lung(s) replaced. That's one of the things we're going to discuss at the doctor's office Monday afternoon.
Oh, and my TimeCapsule died and went to hell a week ago. I've gone through the motions of removing the hard drive in it (and have the pictures to prove it), and now I am waiting on my check to go into my card so I can get a cord for it. I have another TimeCapsule, but I can't get the computer to recognise it. I hope that wasn't the error with my older drive. After harvesting that drive, I feel as though I can harvest the drive from my old strawberry iMac, just to get the data off it. That would be pretty awesome if I could get that drive too. I may update next with pictures of me harvesting my TimeCapsule drive and the iMac drive, if I can get it out. Right now I have to sit at my desk and update, and that's a bitch. I usually update from my bed while I'm watching TV. Not anymore! Not until I can figure out how to get that TimeCapsule working. Any suggestions? Advice on anything I've posted? Email me if you do. Or leave a comment. Whichever is good for you.
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