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Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Mandy

For someone. She knows who she is. :)

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Surprises

I have been sleepy all day. Exhausted is a better word for it, because I can't fight the sleepiness and I frequently keel over where I can and sleep until someone wakes me up. This past sleep-fest was none other than my phone ringing off the hook. I woke up, jumped out of the bed, knocked the padded rail off the bed, and rushed to my desk just in time to see the lovely "MISSED CALL" slide across my screen. Unlocking the phone, I saw that I had missed several calls today. All from my husband. Frowning, I checked my voice mail, and to my annoyance, he had not left any messages for me. So... he has time to call me several times in the day, but not enough time to leave a voice message for me? How annoying!

I was scrolling through the messages when he called a twelfth time. This time I was able to answer it. He was all excited about something he had picked up in his journeys overseas in England. He told me that it was my anniversary present, which is a little over two months away. But he has a three-day party planned for us, while we work around some of his shows. Three days to celebrate our love that has been legally bonded for five years. Over those five years, there have been many bumps in the road, but our love is strong enough to bend and we have survived any storm that has come our way.

Love is forever; stay with me babe

I hope that what he has for me is not an erection, however. While I am having dreams that end with me performing lesbian sex in some form or another, I am not really interested in having sex right away. My pussy and ass are both still sore from the last romp that I had, and let's face it: The last time that he was soooo excited to "give" me something, it was his penis, and I ended up pregnant with twins! More kids are the last thing we need right about now. Chloe was sick this afternoon and threw up on the kitchen floor. Something else that I had to clean. Yuck. At least she threw up somewhere where there was no carpet or fabric, and she was on her way to the sink, so I give her credit for trying. Hopefully she's getting the feeling of when she's about to throw up and can get to a sink or toilet before she gets too far past the point of no return.

When the kids saw that I was awake, they all demanded that they be fed. So I fixed them some dinner while I mixed my liquid dinner and the dessert of pills. I barely listened to the babble of the kids during the meal, but ushered them to bed before 9pm. I love surprises, but I sometimes wonder why I put up with the things that I put up with in this family. That lesbian lifestyle is starting to look pretty good from here.
I have been sleepy all day. Exhausted is a better word for it, because I can't fight the sleepiness and I frequently keel over where I can and sleep until someone wakes me up. This past sleep-fest was none other than my phone ringing off the hook. I woke up, jumped out of the bed, knocked the padded rail off the bed, and rushed to my desk just in time to see the lovely "MISSED CALL" slide across my screen. Unlocking the phone, I saw that I had missed several calls today. All from my husband. Frowning, I checked my voice mail, and to my annoyance, he had not left any messages for me. So... he has time to call me several times in the day, but not enough time to leave a voice message for me? How annoying!

I was scrolling through the messages when he called a twelfth time. This time I was able to answer it. He was all excited about something he had picked up in his journeys overseas in England. He told me that it was my anniversary present, which is a little over two months away. But he has a three-day party planned for us, while we work around some of his shows. Three days to celebrate our love that has been legally bonded for five years. Over those five years, there have been many bumps in the road, but our love is strong enough to bend and we have survived any storm that has come our way.

Love is forever; stay with me babe

I hope that what he has for me is not an erection, however. While I am having dreams that end with me performing lesbian sex in some form or another, I am not really interested in having sex right away. My pussy and ass are both still sore from the last romp that I had, and let's face it: The last time that he was soooo excited to "give" me something, it was his penis, and I ended up pregnant with twins! More kids are the last thing we need right about now. Chloe was sick this afternoon and threw up on the kitchen floor. Something else that I had to clean. Yuck. At least she threw up somewhere where there was no carpet or fabric, and she was on her way to the sink, so I give her credit for trying. Hopefully she's getting the feeling of when she's about to throw up and can get to a sink or toilet before she gets too far past the point of no return.

When the kids saw that I was awake, they all demanded that they be fed. So I fixed them some dinner while I mixed my liquid dinner and the dessert of pills. I barely listened to the babble of the kids during the meal, but ushered them to bed before 9pm. I love surprises, but I sometimes wonder why I put up with the things that I put up with in this family. That lesbian lifestyle is starting to look pretty good from here.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Only the Broken Hearted

I really wish these stat spammers had their useless sites up their asses. If your product isn't doing so well, don't spam me! I don't care for whatever it is that you're trying to scam others with!

I feel bad, emotionally, today. I wish there were a place I could go to where I didn't feel like I was a pain in the ass of the people I live with. I am just trying to live and survive, and I am referred to as "the pain in the ass". I don't mean to be! I am sick! I am not "taking advantage of" having cancer! If I had a choice, I would choose to not have this disease!

But that is not how I am treated. Right now? I'm still having that double vision, so I can't do anything correctly. I try and try, but with my vision messing up, I really can't do anything other than relax and work on my paper work. I was supposed to start work today, because the professors start some two weeks before the students come back. But no. I had to help out with my mother and she gave me a hard time about that. She then went on to tell me that I needed to give her some money. What? Um, no. I have a small family that I am supporting right now, so I can't help her. When she asked why, I said that I had not gone back to work for the fall, and I had no money. She suggested that I "get off my lazy fat ass" and go job hunting! What the hell...? When I said the only things out there for work was probably Quik Trip or a fast food job, perhaps a job sacking or checking out groceries, she said that was "good enough for me" and I should do it!

IUm... mommie dearest? Perhaps you missed out on the fact that I am doped up because I have cancer?! Did you miss that IV catheter in my arm? What about the medicine patches on my upper arm? Did you forget about the painful bone spurs that have sprouted from my spine? The whole mess upsets me. When I reminded her of all of that, she got pissed off and said that I was "taking advantage of" having cancer. How in the world could I do that?! This is not the first time she has claimed I am taking advantage of this deadly disease. Every time she wants money from me, she tells me how I can work, or should be working. It's really frustrating that I have to put up with these things.

I spent a good amount of time crying over this because my mother is supposed to care about me and be on my side. Not demand money from me, and when I cannot provide that, she claims I am using a deadly disease as an excuse to not get a second or third job to give her money.

I am sorry that I have clouded this blog with my sob story. I hate that I do not have a good relationship with my mother. I wish for almost nothing else in the world, but to be well, live long and into my prime, and to have a good relationship with my mother. I deserve at least those things.

I will write again tomorrow.
I really wish these stat spammers had their useless sites up their asses. If your product isn't doing so well, don't spam me! I don't care for whatever it is that you're trying to scam others with!

I feel bad, emotionally, today. I wish there were a place I could go to where I didn't feel like I was a pain in the ass of the people I live with. I am just trying to live and survive, and I am referred to as "the pain in the ass". I don't mean to be! I am sick! I am not "taking advantage of" having cancer! If I had a choice, I would choose to not have this disease!

But that is not how I am treated. Right now? I'm still having that double vision, so I can't do anything correctly. I try and try, but with my vision messing up, I really can't do anything other than relax and work on my paper work. I was supposed to start work today, because the professors start some two weeks before the students come back. But no. I had to help out with my mother and she gave me a hard time about that. She then went on to tell me that I needed to give her some money. What? Um, no. I have a small family that I am supporting right now, so I can't help her. When she asked why, I said that I had not gone back to work for the fall, and I had no money. She suggested that I "get off my lazy fat ass" and go job hunting! What the hell...? When I said the only things out there for work was probably Quik Trip or a fast food job, perhaps a job sacking or checking out groceries, she said that was "good enough for me" and I should do it!

IUm... mommie dearest? Perhaps you missed out on the fact that I am doped up because I have cancer?! Did you miss that IV catheter in my arm? What about the medicine patches on my upper arm? Did you forget about the painful bone spurs that have sprouted from my spine? The whole mess upsets me. When I reminded her of all of that, she got pissed off and said that I was "taking advantage of" having cancer. How in the world could I do that?! This is not the first time she has claimed I am taking advantage of this deadly disease. Every time she wants money from me, she tells me how I can work, or should be working. It's really frustrating that I have to put up with these things.

I spent a good amount of time crying over this because my mother is supposed to care about me and be on my side. Not demand money from me, and when I cannot provide that, she claims I am using a deadly disease as an excuse to not get a second or third job to give her money.

I am sorry that I have clouded this blog with my sob story. I hate that I do not have a good relationship with my mother. I wish for almost nothing else in the world, but to be well, live long and into my prime, and to have a good relationship with my mother. I deserve at least those things.

I will write again tomorrow.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Sick Day

This nausea is really getting bad. I have been sick to my stomach all day. I salivate, but don't throw up. I have been tired all day. I don't know if this is my nerves or my medicine. I am still on treatment medication. I don't know why. The salivation made my mouth and throat dry and I was expected to talk for a while with my mother, then I started getting double vision and she tried to get me to eat all this nasty food that I can't stand. I felt so bad I finally gave in just to get her to stop "suggesting" things for me to do. Eating isn't the best thing to do when one is nauseated. Especially me. Especially when it's something I cannot stand to eat when I feel fine. But to get her to stop suggesting all these medical quackery home remedies, I caved in. Then spend the next few moments after eating, throwing up. I felt worse. I am fatigued, nauseated, and my eyes are still messed up. I feel like I am in a cold sweat, but the air conditioner is frozen up (what else is new???) and I have some work to do online before I can lay down for a while.

In the mail I got a candle from my friend Matt. A Cider Web by Yankee Candle. I think someone's been reading here again. :) It was kind of weak in the scent department, but that's fine.

While I was looking for a lighter to light the wick, I found some other treasures in my desk. Things I never thought I would see again.

Oral Fixation. An oral sex enhancing mint. I wondered where this went to. There were both male and female enjoyment mints. I tingled a tiny bit just thinking about it.


Dead Batteries. That's the name brand of the batteries. They came with my OhMiBod vibrator back in 2008. The package is unopened, so I have to wonder if the batteries are still good. Again, this made me tingle a tad.


Jones Soda candy. Cream soda flavour. I remember this stuff from when I went to Las Vegas one of the many times and this was all I had to eat at the dinner theater. I wasn't too upset over it. I felt a little bad slipping this in my drink and flirting with Auz. Some of the people there who hadn't seen me slip the candy in my own drink thought I was being drugged. It was kind of funny, and a little worrying, since none of the people who saw I had what appeared to be drugs in my drink yet they didn't tell me about it.


Oh, and before I sign off for a little while, photos of the candle:






Macro without a flash. Better?




Time to go lay down. I'm getting a headache.
This nausea is really getting bad. I have been sick to my stomach all day. I salivate, but don't throw up. I have been tired all day. I don't know if this is my nerves or my medicine. I am still on treatment medication. I don't know why. The salivation made my mouth and throat dry and I was expected to talk for a while with my mother, then I started getting double vision and she tried to get me to eat all this nasty food that I can't stand. I felt so bad I finally gave in just to get her to stop "suggesting" things for me to do. Eating isn't the best thing to do when one is nauseated. Especially me. Especially when it's something I cannot stand to eat when I feel fine. But to get her to stop suggesting all these medical quackery home remedies, I caved in. Then spend the next few moments after eating, throwing up. I felt worse. I am fatigued, nauseated, and my eyes are still messed up. I feel like I am in a cold sweat, but the air conditioner is frozen up (what else is new???) and I have some work to do online before I can lay down for a while.

In the mail I got a candle from my friend Matt. A Cider Web by Yankee Candle. I think someone's been reading here again. :) It was kind of weak in the scent department, but that's fine.

While I was looking for a lighter to light the wick, I found some other treasures in my desk. Things I never thought I would see again.

Oral Fixation. An oral sex enhancing mint. I wondered where this went to. There were both male and female enjoyment mints. I tingled a tiny bit just thinking about it.


Dead Batteries. That's the name brand of the batteries. They came with my OhMiBod vibrator back in 2008. The package is unopened, so I have to wonder if the batteries are still good. Again, this made me tingle a tad.


Jones Soda candy. Cream soda flavour. I remember this stuff from when I went to Las Vegas one of the many times and this was all I had to eat at the dinner theater. I wasn't too upset over it. I felt a little bad slipping this in my drink and flirting with Auz. Some of the people there who hadn't seen me slip the candy in my own drink thought I was being drugged. It was kind of funny, and a little worrying, since none of the people who saw I had what appeared to be drugs in my drink yet they didn't tell me about it.


Oh, and before I sign off for a little while, photos of the candle:






Macro without a flash. Better?




Time to go lay down. I'm getting a headache.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Coconut Flowers

This post is duplicated on my domain.

I first want to apologise for the downtime. I hope it was because my hosts were molesting the server and I am getting a new Plesk install and a control panel. But truth be told it was all that data base tinkering I did yesterday that clogged the server. *hangs head* I always feel like I don't know what I am doing when I play around with computers and servers and the like, and there's a good possibility that is true, when they malfunction the next day. Feel free to get out the ruler and give me a good spanking.

The summer is finally winding down. We had some severe weather last night that went on for almost an hour or so. My air conditioner system was frozen up (typical of triple degree temperatures!), so I sweltered in the hot, dark night, watching Saw 3D and writing a list of things to take to my doctor tomorrow. I also rummaged through some of my stuff looking for the loose ends that I needed to clean up before school starts this fall.

Tonight, Chloe wanted her hair washed and conditioned with the coconut shampoo and conditioner. She also wanted to use the Caress bath wash because she liked how it made momma smell after a bath. I told her she smelled like coconut flowers. That made her night and she skipped away in her pony-print pajamas, holding her pink bear. I am so good at this mommy stuff sometimes!

Little James is sick again. He's not getting out of bed much and complaining about being "warm all over". So it's off to the doctor's with him on Thursday afternoon. I'm afraid he has a bacterial infection somewhere. I've given him some Tylenol for the fever and the pain, but that was a few hours ago. He's back complaining of the pain and warmth again. I'm making him some sweet lemon tea to settle his stomach for now.

Dennis is somewhat ignoring me. He won't answer his phone, and he refuses to call me except at times when he knows that I can't talk on the phone. It really bothers me that he is doing this. I almost have to ask if Trevor is back. It's times like this when I ask God for help, but it has been so long since God has answered me that I sometimes wonder if God has turned His back on me. So many times I have asked for His help with my marriage, He has not answered me, nor has the situation improved any. I know that I am just impatient, but I don't want to think that way anymore. I don't want to think that God has turned his back on me. God doesn't do these things. I am looking for Scripture that has something to do with marriage worries, but I cannot find any. If anyone wants to help point me to some Scriptures that have helped them with relationship worries, I'd appreciate it.

Yes, I know that Google.com exists, but I would feel better to get some live feedback from people that, I assume, have been reading about my situation for the last few years. Ever since our little PoRo died, our marriage hasn't been the same. I sometimes wonder if the relationship was falling apart because she died, or was it falling apart all along and we just didn't know about it?
This post is duplicated on my domain.

I first want to apologise for the downtime. I hope it was because my hosts were molesting the server and I am getting a new Plesk install and a control panel. But truth be told it was all that data base tinkering I did yesterday that clogged the server. *hangs head* I always feel like I don't know what I am doing when I play around with computers and servers and the like, and there's a good possibility that is true, when they malfunction the next day. Feel free to get out the ruler and give me a good spanking.

The summer is finally winding down. We had some severe weather last night that went on for almost an hour or so. My air conditioner system was frozen up (typical of triple degree temperatures!), so I sweltered in the hot, dark night, watching Saw 3D and writing a list of things to take to my doctor tomorrow. I also rummaged through some of my stuff looking for the loose ends that I needed to clean up before school starts this fall.

Tonight, Chloe wanted her hair washed and conditioned with the coconut shampoo and conditioner. She also wanted to use the Caress bath wash because she liked how it made momma smell after a bath. I told her she smelled like coconut flowers. That made her night and she skipped away in her pony-print pajamas, holding her pink bear. I am so good at this mommy stuff sometimes!

Little James is sick again. He's not getting out of bed much and complaining about being "warm all over". So it's off to the doctor's with him on Thursday afternoon. I'm afraid he has a bacterial infection somewhere. I've given him some Tylenol for the fever and the pain, but that was a few hours ago. He's back complaining of the pain and warmth again. I'm making him some sweet lemon tea to settle his stomach for now.

Dennis is somewhat ignoring me. He won't answer his phone, and he refuses to call me except at times when he knows that I can't talk on the phone. It really bothers me that he is doing this. I almost have to ask if Trevor is back. It's times like this when I ask God for help, but it has been so long since God has answered me that I sometimes wonder if God has turned His back on me. So many times I have asked for His help with my marriage, He has not answered me, nor has the situation improved any. I know that I am just impatient, but I don't want to think that way anymore. I don't want to think that God has turned his back on me. God doesn't do these things. I am looking for Scripture that has something to do with marriage worries, but I cannot find any. If anyone wants to help point me to some Scriptures that have helped them with relationship worries, I'd appreciate it.

Yes, I know that Google.com exists, but I would feel better to get some live feedback from people that, I assume, have been reading about my situation for the last few years. Ever since our little PoRo died, our marriage hasn't been the same. I sometimes wonder if the relationship was falling apart because she died, or was it falling apart all along and we just didn't know about it?

Monday, August 8, 2011

Early Jumpstart

To get an early jump-start on the fall seasons, I've ordered some fall-scented candles. I won't say what ones, that's a surprise, but I have ordered a pair of them that I think will smell wonderful together. I have another two that I want to pick up at the store, but only because I love visiting the store.

Is it just me, or has the fall season started earlier and earlier as time goes on? How many people have Halloween candy in their stores already?
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