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Saturday, May 28, 2011

Zealots

If there is one thing I cannot stand, it's the religious zealots that seem to take over the world.

Or the conversation. Which ever they prefer or think their points will be the most heard.

It's nice that people have opinions, thoughts, feelings, but one cannot have those and infringe on the opinions, thoughts and feelings of others. The other day, I came across a religious zealot on the internet. They graced my domain blog by letting me know that by succumbing to Fentanyl patches to control pain inflicted on my by a stoned driver, I was an unfit parent and my husband should have me committed while moving my dear, innocent children as far away from me as humanly possible. Nice Christian, huh?

One of the sites they credited their opinions of me, someone they spent all of three minutes reading the front page of my site before judging me with heavily tainted "sources", was one of those nutjob religious pages that makes one want to vomit. Gays, sluts, whore, redheads, working moms, women who choose not to get married, women who choose not to have children, TV watchers, people who buy groceries at a store, and so fourth, are all evil, satanic and going to hell. Alright, motherfucker. See ya there!

These were the pages they quoted as sources for the abuse towards me:
Divorce, TV, and microwaves. I'm not sure how microwaves got in the middle of this, but it did.

One of the things I can't stress enough is that I'm not ashamed of my past. It's part of what made me who I am today. Without the things I have lived through, I wouldn't be the person I am. I would not have the life I have today if it were not for my past. I believe in God. I believe in Heaven. I don't believe God is this asshole that the Christians today perceive him to be. They feel that because they are "saved" they can fuck over anyone they want, be the biggest assholes in the world, and it's all fine and dandy because God has reserved a special place for them in Heaven when they die, all because they muttered prayers to a being they have never seen before.

While I believe there is more to life than what we see, there is the logical side to me. What if we're wrong? What if our lives are all we have? That is why I am forgiving. That is why I am nice to as many people as I can, until they fuck me over. That is why I believe in the goodness of others and the innocence in their mistakes. I believe we should have fun in this life, while we still can. We're invincible as long as we're alive. I believe in preserving the innocence of childhood. So what if my five year old does not have a bank account and is not seriously writing checks? She's five. She's five years old! She shouldn't be cooking meals and writing checks! She'll have plenty of time to do that when she's 18+. At the same time, my boys shouldn't be building houses and handling tools. Anyone else know of a three year old that can run a band saw? Or should I ask, Does anyone else know any parents crazy enough to let their three year old(s) run a band saw?

Perhaps my children are missing out on growing up too fast, but I'm not in a hurry anymore. Neither should they.

Let's touch on the real issue here. My drug use. The fact that I have a few male friends, gays, straight, bisexual. What kind of an example am I setting for my children? Well, for one, my children just assume that I have many friends. What's wrong with that? Shouldn't we encourage our children to make friends? I don't have any hangups about sex, so why should my kids, when they come of age? Drugs? You mean those legal prescriptions that aren't abused or over used and that I take to erase the pain inflicted on me by a stoned driver who got out of the criminal charges because he told the judge he "found Jesus" and would never drive stoned again? Yeah. I take a minimum dose at night and some during the day. My kids don't know what I am taking. Mommy is sick. There's nothing wrong with that. I can function on the medications. I don't act stupid when I have taken an opioid. They take away my pain. Where's the harm in that?

God, religion and all of that should be about peace, love and tolerance. It should be about treating people during our living years with love, respect and dignity. No matter what they have done to us out of confusion or illness. If someone repeatedly abuses another, the victim should at least try to get away from that person. Not hurt them back. Not be angry with them. An abuser is someone who needs help. Who needs the right kind of attention to stop their ways. I have faith in many people. I love to see people progress beyond their meager selves and habits. Studying psychology to the point of getting a Bachelor's Degree in it made me see this.

Before I bid you all farewell, I'm leaving you with this picture. The domestic violence and abuse has started back up. If things don't improve in a few days, when my husband gets home, there's going to be some changes in my life that others probably won't like, will probably judge me for, and you know what? I really don't care. But it's interesting, nevertheless.

If there is one thing I cannot stand, it's the religious zealots that seem to take over the world.

Or the conversation. Which ever they prefer or think their points will be the most heard.

It's nice that people have opinions, thoughts, feelings, but one cannot have those and infringe on the opinions, thoughts and feelings of others. The other day, I came across a religious zealot on the internet. They graced my domain blog by letting me know that by succumbing to Fentanyl patches to control pain inflicted on my by a stoned driver, I was an unfit parent and my husband should have me committed while moving my dear, innocent children as far away from me as humanly possible. Nice Christian, huh?

One of the sites they credited their opinions of me, someone they spent all of three minutes reading the front page of my site before judging me with heavily tainted "sources", was one of those nutjob religious pages that makes one want to vomit. Gays, sluts, whore, redheads, working moms, women who choose not to get married, women who choose not to have children, TV watchers, people who buy groceries at a store, and so fourth, are all evil, satanic and going to hell. Alright, motherfucker. See ya there!

These were the pages they quoted as sources for the abuse towards me:
Divorce, TV, and microwaves. I'm not sure how microwaves got in the middle of this, but it did.

One of the things I can't stress enough is that I'm not ashamed of my past. It's part of what made me who I am today. Without the things I have lived through, I wouldn't be the person I am. I would not have the life I have today if it were not for my past. I believe in God. I believe in Heaven. I don't believe God is this asshole that the Christians today perceive him to be. They feel that because they are "saved" they can fuck over anyone they want, be the biggest assholes in the world, and it's all fine and dandy because God has reserved a special place for them in Heaven when they die, all because they muttered prayers to a being they have never seen before.

While I believe there is more to life than what we see, there is the logical side to me. What if we're wrong? What if our lives are all we have? That is why I am forgiving. That is why I am nice to as many people as I can, until they fuck me over. That is why I believe in the goodness of others and the innocence in their mistakes. I believe we should have fun in this life, while we still can. We're invincible as long as we're alive. I believe in preserving the innocence of childhood. So what if my five year old does not have a bank account and is not seriously writing checks? She's five. She's five years old! She shouldn't be cooking meals and writing checks! She'll have plenty of time to do that when she's 18+. At the same time, my boys shouldn't be building houses and handling tools. Anyone else know of a three year old that can run a band saw? Or should I ask, Does anyone else know any parents crazy enough to let their three year old(s) run a band saw?

Perhaps my children are missing out on growing up too fast, but I'm not in a hurry anymore. Neither should they.

Let's touch on the real issue here. My drug use. The fact that I have a few male friends, gays, straight, bisexual. What kind of an example am I setting for my children? Well, for one, my children just assume that I have many friends. What's wrong with that? Shouldn't we encourage our children to make friends? I don't have any hangups about sex, so why should my kids, when they come of age? Drugs? You mean those legal prescriptions that aren't abused or over used and that I take to erase the pain inflicted on me by a stoned driver who got out of the criminal charges because he told the judge he "found Jesus" and would never drive stoned again? Yeah. I take a minimum dose at night and some during the day. My kids don't know what I am taking. Mommy is sick. There's nothing wrong with that. I can function on the medications. I don't act stupid when I have taken an opioid. They take away my pain. Where's the harm in that?

God, religion and all of that should be about peace, love and tolerance. It should be about treating people during our living years with love, respect and dignity. No matter what they have done to us out of confusion or illness. If someone repeatedly abuses another, the victim should at least try to get away from that person. Not hurt them back. Not be angry with them. An abuser is someone who needs help. Who needs the right kind of attention to stop their ways. I have faith in many people. I love to see people progress beyond their meager selves and habits. Studying psychology to the point of getting a Bachelor's Degree in it made me see this.

Before I bid you all farewell, I'm leaving you with this picture. The domestic violence and abuse has started back up. If things don't improve in a few days, when my husband gets home, there's going to be some changes in my life that others probably won't like, will probably judge me for, and you know what? I really don't care. But it's interesting, nevertheless.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Life's An Empty Bitch When You're Living A Lie

Amazing. When I uncensor myself, I get banned and threatened. Great. I had some good info I wanted to share with the world, but apparently I can't because it's not what people wanted to see or hear. It's pretty dark, so I won't be sharing it here. I can't. I don't want people attacking me here, as well. I have learned from my past that when things are starting to go asshole up, it's best to back away and let the idiots think they are correct. I've dealt with enough crazy people on the web to know that it's never a good idea to one up them because they never know when to quit. They will search and search until they know tidbits about you and make that available to more mentally unstable people.

In other news, I am back on my medication. Before I took it, before it got to me, I was going through some of my May PlayLists on iTunes, and a Donny Osmond song, Soldier of Love came on. I could have sworn he sang the lyrics: "Life's an empty bitch when you're living a lie." I did a double take and looked up the lyrics. He actually sings (or so it's written): "Life's an empty picture when you're living alone." Oh. I swallowed the four pills with my strawberry lemonade and tried to redeem myself. Giving up, since I'm better than what others think of me, I went back to my happy world where people love me.

I drove around this afternoon. It's so hot here, my Fentanyl patch sweated off of my arm. I want a car with airconditioning. Is that so much to ask for? For the first time in its miserable life, the car didn't blow a head gasket, so we're stuck with it. I considered slamming on the breaks while some asshole was tale-gating me on the highway, then I looked a second time, and it was a cop. Shit. I slowed a little and changed lanes. He went on. Whew. Imagine if I tried to get a cop to rear end me??? He'd probably throw me in the back seat and rear end me with his cock.

Enough whining. Pictures?

Flowers!


Coppers at the donut shop behind the Starbucks:




This guy argued so much with the drive thru clerk, my car idled there for so long, it overheated. So much for that cheap, quick fix!


Radioactive keys.


Ever wonder what mainstreet in my town looks like?




That's enough for me. I'm heading off to bed. Nick is supposed to be coming home tomorrow, from the hospital, and so is Chloe. Sleep tight, dear readers!
Amazing. When I uncensor myself, I get banned and threatened. Great. I had some good info I wanted to share with the world, but apparently I can't because it's not what people wanted to see or hear. It's pretty dark, so I won't be sharing it here. I can't. I don't want people attacking me here, as well. I have learned from my past that when things are starting to go asshole up, it's best to back away and let the idiots think they are correct. I've dealt with enough crazy people on the web to know that it's never a good idea to one up them because they never know when to quit. They will search and search until they know tidbits about you and make that available to more mentally unstable people.

In other news, I am back on my medication. Before I took it, before it got to me, I was going through some of my May PlayLists on iTunes, and a Donny Osmond song, Soldier of Love came on. I could have sworn he sang the lyrics: "Life's an empty bitch when you're living a lie." I did a double take and looked up the lyrics. He actually sings (or so it's written): "Life's an empty picture when you're living alone." Oh. I swallowed the four pills with my strawberry lemonade and tried to redeem myself. Giving up, since I'm better than what others think of me, I went back to my happy world where people love me.

I drove around this afternoon. It's so hot here, my Fentanyl patch sweated off of my arm. I want a car with airconditioning. Is that so much to ask for? For the first time in its miserable life, the car didn't blow a head gasket, so we're stuck with it. I considered slamming on the breaks while some asshole was tale-gating me on the highway, then I looked a second time, and it was a cop. Shit. I slowed a little and changed lanes. He went on. Whew. Imagine if I tried to get a cop to rear end me??? He'd probably throw me in the back seat and rear end me with his cock.

Enough whining. Pictures?

Flowers!


Coppers at the donut shop behind the Starbucks:




This guy argued so much with the drive thru clerk, my car idled there for so long, it overheated. So much for that cheap, quick fix!


Radioactive keys.


Ever wonder what mainstreet in my town looks like?




That's enough for me. I'm heading off to bed. Nick is supposed to be coming home tomorrow, from the hospital, and so is Chloe. Sleep tight, dear readers!

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Night Falls

Tonight is a night the words don't come easy. The photos, either. Repeats. Sometimes I wish I could just photograph the stars in the night sky and post them here, but that has already been done. Everything has already been done, at least once before. I'm not unique or special in my thinking that I am going to change the world by changing my story. The web leaves a bad taste in my mouth tonight because I'm remembering things I shouldn't and because I am off of my ForgetItAll meds. Medication that makes me forget about things after awhile by stuffing my mind full of happy things, things to look forward to, and happy, karma-esque ways that I so longingly look at.

After a few weeks off my meds, I'm suddenly not the zenful, happy person full of forgiveness that I was at the beginning of the month. Today I want to expose idiots, chase out the demons, and air out dirty laundry for all the world to know. Of course, in doing that, I will just essentially hurt myself and have to back track and clean up the mess once I do go back on my medication. Which could be anytime this coming week.

I'm shocked at the level that I have taken with this. Even though the words don't come easy and the photos are reruns, I have a lot I want to type out. My fingers are telling my mind that in essence, it will be better if I can just publish this or that. But my mind is telling the rest of me that this is not a good idea. Wait till you've been on your medication for a few days and then see if you want to share what you know with the world.

Then another part of me tells me that I am a cold hearted bitch and the world already thinks of me this way, so I might as well confirm their beliefs and write what I want about whomever I want.

The mind kicks back in and says no. That submitting to that is worse than fighting against it.

Back and fourth, back and fourth.

It's why I am not blogging much this month.
Tonight is a night the words don't come easy. The photos, either. Repeats. Sometimes I wish I could just photograph the stars in the night sky and post them here, but that has already been done. Everything has already been done, at least once before. I'm not unique or special in my thinking that I am going to change the world by changing my story. The web leaves a bad taste in my mouth tonight because I'm remembering things I shouldn't and because I am off of my ForgetItAll meds. Medication that makes me forget about things after awhile by stuffing my mind full of happy things, things to look forward to, and happy, karma-esque ways that I so longingly look at.

After a few weeks off my meds, I'm suddenly not the zenful, happy person full of forgiveness that I was at the beginning of the month. Today I want to expose idiots, chase out the demons, and air out dirty laundry for all the world to know. Of course, in doing that, I will just essentially hurt myself and have to back track and clean up the mess once I do go back on my medication. Which could be anytime this coming week.

I'm shocked at the level that I have taken with this. Even though the words don't come easy and the photos are reruns, I have a lot I want to type out. My fingers are telling my mind that in essence, it will be better if I can just publish this or that. But my mind is telling the rest of me that this is not a good idea. Wait till you've been on your medication for a few days and then see if you want to share what you know with the world.

Then another part of me tells me that I am a cold hearted bitch and the world already thinks of me this way, so I might as well confirm their beliefs and write what I want about whomever I want.

The mind kicks back in and says no. That submitting to that is worse than fighting against it.

Back and fourth, back and fourth.

It's why I am not blogging much this month.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

General Update

Did I feel a nudge? *grins*

For those that missed me, I've been through a tx in TX, minor surgery, and some other medical nonsense that I'm sure no one cares about. However, while in Texas, I was on a Urban Exploration to visit the abandoned State Hospital, but I never found it. Plus, I've read around the web that it's dangerous to go in because you have to climb into the hospital, and even at a month post-transplant, even if it was just some infusion of marrow and not an actual cutting out of the organs, I'm too ill to do much more than bathe and change my underwear twice a day. Although I did make the bed last night. If you can call it that. I tucked in the sheet and tossed the quilt on top. HA!

The weather is nice, but I don't feel like going out. It's just that way.

On Mother's Day, I found a lump on Chloe. She's scheduled for surgery Monday. They only waited two weeks. Happy thoughts, warm thoughts, prayers and all of that are more than welcome. Hopefully the lump is benign and I won't have a repeat of what happened with her sister.

Starting next weekend, or later tonight, whichever happens to get under my skin the most, I may or may not start doing video game reviews. I bought the software some months ago, but I never got around to actually reviewing and uploading videos of video game reviews. Any requests or suggestions? I'm taking them on Sega, Nintendo, Atari 2600, and Sega Genesis games. They require the least though process, for me anyway. :D I'm thinking of doing a review of the Atari 2600 game Dukes of Hazard. I haven't seen any reviews of it on YouTube. But I am taking suggestions. I can be ... weird .... when playing video games from that era, so I'm targeting them as comedy.

Yesterday, I bought a new domain name, and it's already working and has two entries on it, but the layout looks pretty weird, so I'm not going to reveal the name yet. It's a 5-lettered .nu, though. I love it. Common word that can describe me. Yay! Maybe I'll work on that tonight instead of the video game review.

That's about all the wrap ups I can think of. If I remember anything else, I'll update again.
Did I feel a nudge? *grins*

For those that missed me, I've been through a tx in TX, minor surgery, and some other medical nonsense that I'm sure no one cares about. However, while in Texas, I was on a Urban Exploration to visit the abandoned State Hospital, but I never found it. Plus, I've read around the web that it's dangerous to go in because you have to climb into the hospital, and even at a month post-transplant, even if it was just some infusion of marrow and not an actual cutting out of the organs, I'm too ill to do much more than bathe and change my underwear twice a day. Although I did make the bed last night. If you can call it that. I tucked in the sheet and tossed the quilt on top. HA!

The weather is nice, but I don't feel like going out. It's just that way.

On Mother's Day, I found a lump on Chloe. She's scheduled for surgery Monday. They only waited two weeks. Happy thoughts, warm thoughts, prayers and all of that are more than welcome. Hopefully the lump is benign and I won't have a repeat of what happened with her sister.

Starting next weekend, or later tonight, whichever happens to get under my skin the most, I may or may not start doing video game reviews. I bought the software some months ago, but I never got around to actually reviewing and uploading videos of video game reviews. Any requests or suggestions? I'm taking them on Sega, Nintendo, Atari 2600, and Sega Genesis games. They require the least though process, for me anyway. :D I'm thinking of doing a review of the Atari 2600 game Dukes of Hazard. I haven't seen any reviews of it on YouTube. But I am taking suggestions. I can be ... weird .... when playing video games from that era, so I'm targeting them as comedy.

Yesterday, I bought a new domain name, and it's already working and has two entries on it, but the layout looks pretty weird, so I'm not going to reveal the name yet. It's a 5-lettered .nu, though. I love it. Common word that can describe me. Yay! Maybe I'll work on that tonight instead of the video game review.

That's about all the wrap ups I can think of. If I remember anything else, I'll update again.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

No More

No more of that "ask me anything" shit for a while. It just sucks away at a blog that could be better spent waxing poetic about the sunsets or stars after a rainfall. Really. 46 posts in three months and I feel that I could have done so much better.

I have to talk myself into getting well. Getting better. Tonight. Now. I have to talk myself into finishing the night and trying to sleep well without stimulation tonight. Maybe I'm fighting a losing battle here. I've already lost myself in my medications. After all, who cares? Who cares that I have gone through a month's supply in two weeks? Who cares if they're heavy narcotics and I abuse the shit out of them? It's not like anyone would really benefit from my death, but at the same time, they wouldn't benefit from my life, either.

Off to the warm bed with me. My dildos await.
No more of that "ask me anything" shit for a while. It just sucks away at a blog that could be better spent waxing poetic about the sunsets or stars after a rainfall. Really. 46 posts in three months and I feel that I could have done so much better.

I have to talk myself into getting well. Getting better. Tonight. Now. I have to talk myself into finishing the night and trying to sleep well without stimulation tonight. Maybe I'm fighting a losing battle here. I've already lost myself in my medications. After all, who cares? Who cares that I have gone through a month's supply in two weeks? Who cares if they're heavy narcotics and I abuse the shit out of them? It's not like anyone would really benefit from my death, but at the same time, they wouldn't benefit from my life, either.

Off to the warm bed with me. My dildos await.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Comments

May I ask why I get hundreds of hits, but only have one comment in my list? Don't you people want me to know what you think of the site? Comment. Follow me. Interact with me! I know you want to!

I'm going to stop with the Formspring shit being published here. In the morning, I shall put up a page of links of other places I am on the web. Unless, no one wants to hear it, that is. *all smiles*

I'm being neurotic tonight. Humor me. I took some more of my medication so I wouldn't be this way, and here I am.
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