Today was the day of Chloe's biopsy results. A day that I dreaded for a long time. When I was last called to this floor, in this hospital, I was given the shock of my life. Six months to live. A little girl who wouldn't live to be a teenager. A teenage boy who wouldn't live to see Christmas. The results left me in tears, and I cried all the way to the car. I cried for many days after the prognosis. How could we live in a world where a little girl was going to die so early? How could God exist in a place where a teenage boy was going to die before Christmas? Christmas was a time Jess loved. Once again, I was faced with the possibility that Chloe was going to be taken from us. Possibly while her daddy was away, making a living for the rest of us. Thoughts of how cold and cruel this world was, where a little five year old girl would hear that she had less than a month to live, just a few weeks before her sixth birthday. How a little girl who loved her family dearly was going to be taken from the only people she loved and trusted. It wasn't right. Nick was back with the guys, completely recovered from his injuries, so it was just me and Chloe in the car. Her brothers at home with their granddaddy. Fascinoma played softly on the radio as I drove the familiar streets to the hospital. We parked not too far from the physicians building, and Chloe bounced across the parking lot to the Stop Sign at the corner. Peeked both ways across the street before bouncing to the door of the building. I let her call for the elevator. The tears came in the elevator. The wonders of how this could happen a third time. Chloe wanted to press all the buttons in the elevator, but I told her not to.
We reached the 5th floor, where I noticed the sign for the surgeon who had saved my life just fourteen months prior. I hid the tears well. Not even the receptionist knew I had been crying. I paid the payment, and Chloe and I waited in the waiting room with the faded silk plants and tattered, outdated magazines.
The minutes ticked by slowly. Finally we were called to the exam room. Chloe was weighed on the way there. She'd lost a pound. The nurse said there was an order for an EKG, but it wasn't explained why. More waiting. Chloe picked up the model of a human heart, and started naming the chambers. I was amazed. "How did you know those?" I asked. She smiled. "Momma, don't you remember telling me these?" she asked. I shook my head. But she was correct in naming the chambers, aorta, and other places. More waiting. I picked up a magazine and started to rummage through the pages, not really paying attention to what I was looking at. The doctor came in, did a quick cardio exam. I asked why, and he said there was a "little concern" on the EKG, but nothing that was raising any red flags. He droned on and on about the surgery, how tumors were removed, and how a biopsy was performed. Finally he got to the part I was waiting for.
"The tumor is benign," he said.
The magazine slipped from my fingers and hit the floor in a flutter of pages. "Does this mean that she's going to live to see Christmas? Her birthday?" I asked, dumbfounded.
"She's going to live to be a hundred," he replied, with a smile. I hugged that doctor. :D Chloe and I went out for ice cream after the appointment. I didn't even mind that she ate 90% of her ice cream in the car with no spoon. With a prognosis like that, she could eat 10,000 pints of ice cream in the backseat of my car! My little girl was going to live. She was going to heal. No more painful memories of Christmas, birthdays, watching a young person die. No more worry, wondering, offering high doses of narcotics because nothing takes the edge off the pain. No more tears. No more emotional anguish. No more mental torture.
Thank you to everyone who expressed warm wishes, prayers and thoughts over the past month. I was really dreading another child getting critically ill, but it seems I won't have to experience that again (hopefully!). Whether you expressed those wishes, prayers or thought or not, I am grateful that people care. ♥ to all! I hope that any adversaries anyone I know faces come out as good as my last one did! If the world were like that, there would be no need for Heaven. We'd all already be there!
Today was the day of Chloe's biopsy results. A day that I dreaded for a long time. When I was last called to this floor, in this hospital, I was given the shock of my life. Six months to live. A little girl who wouldn't live to be a teenager. A teenage boy who wouldn't live to see Christmas. The results left me in tears, and I cried all the way to the car. I cried for many days after the prognosis. How could we live in a world where a little girl was going to die so early? How could God exist in a place where a teenage boy was going to die before Christmas? Christmas was a time Jess loved. Once again, I was faced with the possibility that Chloe was going to be taken from us. Possibly while her daddy was away, making a living for the rest of us. Thoughts of how cold and cruel this world was, where a little five year old girl would hear that she had less than a month to live, just a few weeks before her sixth birthday. How a little girl who loved her family dearly was going to be taken from the only people she loved and trusted. It wasn't right. Nick was back with the guys, completely recovered from his injuries, so it was just me and Chloe in the car. Her brothers at home with their granddaddy. Fascinoma played softly on the radio as I drove the familiar streets to the hospital. We parked not too far from the physicians building, and Chloe bounced across the parking lot to the Stop Sign at the corner. Peeked both ways across the street before bouncing to the door of the building. I let her call for the elevator. The tears came in the elevator. The wonders of how this could happen a third time. Chloe wanted to press all the buttons in the elevator, but I told her not to.
We reached the 5th floor, where I noticed the sign for the surgeon who had saved my life just fourteen months prior. I hid the tears well. Not even the receptionist knew I had been crying. I paid the payment, and Chloe and I waited in the waiting room with the faded silk plants and tattered, outdated magazines.
The minutes ticked by slowly. Finally we were called to the exam room. Chloe was weighed on the way there. She'd lost a pound. The nurse said there was an order for an EKG, but it wasn't explained why. More waiting. Chloe picked up the model of a human heart, and started naming the chambers. I was amazed. "How did you know those?" I asked. She smiled. "Momma, don't you remember telling me these?" she asked. I shook my head. But she was correct in naming the chambers, aorta, and other places. More waiting. I picked up a magazine and started to rummage through the pages, not really paying attention to what I was looking at. The doctor came in, did a quick cardio exam. I asked why, and he said there was a "little concern" on the EKG, but nothing that was raising any red flags. He droned on and on about the surgery, how tumors were removed, and how a biopsy was performed. Finally he got to the part I was waiting for.
"The tumor is benign," he said.
The magazine slipped from my fingers and hit the floor in a flutter of pages. "Does this mean that she's going to live to see Christmas? Her birthday?" I asked, dumbfounded.
"She's going to live to be a hundred," he replied, with a smile. I hugged that doctor. :D Chloe and I went out for ice cream after the appointment. I didn't even mind that she ate 90% of her ice cream in the car with no spoon. With a prognosis like that, she could eat 10,000 pints of ice cream in the backseat of my car! My little girl was going to live. She was going to heal. No more painful memories of Christmas, birthdays, watching a young person die. No more worry, wondering, offering high doses of narcotics because nothing takes the edge off the pain. No more tears. No more emotional anguish. No more mental torture.
Thank you to everyone who expressed warm wishes, prayers and thoughts over the past month. I was really dreading another child getting critically ill, but it seems I won't have to experience that again (hopefully!). Whether you expressed those wishes, prayers or thought or not, I am grateful that people care. ♥ to all! I hope that any adversaries anyone I know faces come out as good as my last one did! If the world were like that, there would be no need for Heaven. We'd all already be there!
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