Some one asked in the comments how I'm still able to get prescriptions when clearly I abused (and still have abused narcotics this year) narcotics in the past, to the point of addiction? It's very simple. I was diagnosed with cancer, for the third time, in 2012. Cancer that has eaten away at parts of my spine and the discs in my back. That's very painful, even for someone who hadn't ruined their pain tolerance with the use of narcotics. My spine is actually broken from an accident I was involved in in 2003. I was hit by a car while taking the trash out. So never take the trash out. ha ha. In all seriousness, this is something that only surgery will cure and right now my doctor won't approve surgery because he says I'm "too heavy" at 122 lbs, and that he's uncertain how my cancer is going to pan out. I'll go into this more when it's not the middle of the night and I'm updating my birthday want/wish list.
I posted this on my blog last month. I hope I don't sound like a total bitch. I was just posting the facts, ma'am.
I updated my recovery blog this weekend. Someone asked how I still get prescriptions. I’m inrecovery. Being in recovery means that I have the trust of my doctor and pharmacist. I’m in chronic pain and I have x rays that show this. I’m not exaggerating my broken back or my herniated discs, or my arthritic knees. These ailments really haunt me. Because he doesn’t want to be responsible for my pain management, my doctor sends me to a pain specialist. I get Fentanyl and Percocet, even though they are essentially the same thing. I flush my pain meds because I tend to lose myself in them. I do the same with muscle relaxers and sleeping pills. It’s sad and tragic that my body has betrayed me, but the real reason I started abusing drugs in the first place was to attempt to relieve my back pain. I wasn’t always a junkie. I took opiates because I researched them. At the time I started my true addiction, I was hooked on opiates because I had no doctor and no way to get to one, so I turned to street drugs, buying Percocet and heroin, snorting cocaine here and there. Today I’m under a doctor’s care and strict drug testing. So even when I do street drugs, and I haven’t touched any sinceFebruary, I am usually caught and my pain medication taken away. At first it’s no big deal, but when you’re going three to six days without any form of relief, it really gets to you. Plus, when I test positive for street drugs, I’m under surveillance by the police, so I don’t dare buy narcotics.
I feel that going three months without buying narcotics on the street is a good thing. I passed out because I was on narcotics in front of the doctor, and I spent a couple of days in the hospital because of it. I never want to do that again, so I’m abstaining from buying illegal narcotics. That includes marijuana.
So that’s how and why I still get prescriptions. Plus the majority of my prescriptions are insulin, anti-diabetic medications, blood pressure pills, cholesterol pills and other medicines that are not opiates. I take one sleeping pill and two muscle relaxers at night to help me sleep. While I wish I had the control released sleeping pill, I have to make due with what I’ve got.
I never really went through withdrawal. If I did, I don’t remember it. I’m sure I went through some kind of withdrawal, because I was on an anti-withdrawal medication. Alas, I do not remember it.
Being in recovery excites me. It makes me feel that I'm not weak, that I can over come anything. If I can over come a drug addiction, I can over come anything.
If I'm in recovery, why do I keep this blog?
Why do you blog? Why did you start blogging? Do you still blog for that same reason?
This blog is about recovery, before, during and after drug addiction. Obviously I didn't wake up one day and say, "I think I'll be a drug addict from now on!" No one does that. Many of us in recovery are regretful of that first use. I, however, am not. It gave me something to touch base on with the man that I am now married to, who gave me four beautiful children. It made me who I am, fighting pain of a disease that is eating away at my body. It gave me so much more than it took away from me. For a while, though, that wasn't true. For seven years, someone I was close to would die. Usually terrible, and usually I witnessed it. The life of drugs is like that. You see death. You see painful deaths. You get raped. You get robbed. You get tricked and conned. I was a victim of all of that. The small amount of joy drugs brings you at first is not worth the path it leads you down, but you don't realise that in the beginning. No one does. And if they do, they don't care.
So be smart. Don't start.