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Friday, November 7, 2014

Naloxone

I keep getting hits from http://www.chasingdragonsaway.com/ but I can't seem to find my link. Help? We should talk!

So I was taken to the hospital the other day. I was still tripping hard, and I made it to my doctor's appointment, but still high. My heart was racing, I was dehydrated slightly, and my doctor sent me to the emergency room.

Several days later, my doctor says that if I don't get "help" he's not going to be my doctor anymore. That's fine with me. I've lost more people in this world that mean a lot more than he does. But that's not the issue. The issue is why I shoot up these days. My back hurts. I've lost over 100 lbs of weight, I've tried fentanyl, morphine, and tizanadine. Nothing touches the pain like heroin. I never quite ended up writhing in pain like in the old propaganda films, from withdrawal, but I got pain relief, and I got it fast. I am able to drive home, function normally, and take a nap. I see no downside to use, other than "it's illegal". So is me driving 100 MPH trying to make my doctor appointments while not wearing a seatbelt in a car that I pulled the air bag out of months ago.

The point is, I do lots of illegal things. I steal music and movies from the internet, I rip vinyl. I drive excessively fast without a seat belt. I do many things that are "bad" for my health. I eat fatty foods, I take prescription drugs that haven't been fully tested, I have slept with men I don't know their last names, I drink large, sugary sodas and coffees, I smoke nicotine. After the 11th, I'll be adding "I attended a pot party" to that list. Shooting up is the only thing that I do that has its benefits for me, medically. And I have never had to resort to illegal activities to acquire it. I've never stolen, pawned, lied or murdered to get my hands on my hits. The money comes strictly from my own pay check.

Yes, I maintain a job too. Something I'm confident in saying I couldn't do if I were in the extreme pain of a broken spine all the time.

In the hospital, they gave me Naloxone. I hate that shit. Every time I go to the ED, they shoot me up with Naloxone, and then ask why I'm there. So while I'm puking my guts out from the Naloxone, I have to answer to staff members that just want something to put in the police report. After the Naloxone wears off, I'm up shit creek without a paddle. The high comes back, and I agree with whatever the staff says to get out of there before they give me another dose. Before they realise that I am comfortable again.

I know there are no legally benefits to using. But there are benefits for me and people like me. People whom normal narcotics don't work for, so I have to go to higher doses or turn to shooting up. It's not a glamourous choice, and if I had my way, I wouldn't be in any pain so harsh that I have to sneak at the pub to get it. I wouldn't  have to have Nick duck down in my car when I'm taking him the the supplier in exchange for a hit, when a police car goes by. Because we get pulled over when the cops see him in the car with me. I'm well known to the police here. They know I'm doing shit, they just don't have the evidence to book me because I've been careful. I shoot before I leave the pub. I dispose of my materials before I leave.

I don't recommend that people in pain turn to heroin. I don't recommend that anyone get a habit or become a hype. I don't believe that I have a habit. I don't think I am a hype. I use when I am in pain or serious withdrawal, and that is it. I don't use every day and I can go for months without using. I just wish that more people understood why using is something that I do for pain relief and the occasional withdrawal relief and not something habitual.
I keep getting hits from http://www.chasingdragonsaway.com/ but I can't seem to find my link. Help? We should talk!

So I was taken to the hospital the other day. I was still tripping hard, and I made it to my doctor's appointment, but still high. My heart was racing, I was dehydrated slightly, and my doctor sent me to the emergency room.

Several days later, my doctor says that if I don't get "help" he's not going to be my doctor anymore. That's fine with me. I've lost more people in this world that mean a lot more than he does. But that's not the issue. The issue is why I shoot up these days. My back hurts. I've lost over 100 lbs of weight, I've tried fentanyl, morphine, and tizanadine. Nothing touches the pain like heroin. I never quite ended up writhing in pain like in the old propaganda films, from withdrawal, but I got pain relief, and I got it fast. I am able to drive home, function normally, and take a nap. I see no downside to use, other than "it's illegal". So is me driving 100 MPH trying to make my doctor appointments while not wearing a seatbelt in a car that I pulled the air bag out of months ago.

The point is, I do lots of illegal things. I steal music and movies from the internet, I rip vinyl. I drive excessively fast without a seat belt. I do many things that are "bad" for my health. I eat fatty foods, I take prescription drugs that haven't been fully tested, I have slept with men I don't know their last names, I drink large, sugary sodas and coffees, I smoke nicotine. After the 11th, I'll be adding "I attended a pot party" to that list. Shooting up is the only thing that I do that has its benefits for me, medically. And I have never had to resort to illegal activities to acquire it. I've never stolen, pawned, lied or murdered to get my hands on my hits. The money comes strictly from my own pay check.

Yes, I maintain a job too. Something I'm confident in saying I couldn't do if I were in the extreme pain of a broken spine all the time.

In the hospital, they gave me Naloxone. I hate that shit. Every time I go to the ED, they shoot me up with Naloxone, and then ask why I'm there. So while I'm puking my guts out from the Naloxone, I have to answer to staff members that just want something to put in the police report. After the Naloxone wears off, I'm up shit creek without a paddle. The high comes back, and I agree with whatever the staff says to get out of there before they give me another dose. Before they realise that I am comfortable again.

I know there are no legally benefits to using. But there are benefits for me and people like me. People whom normal narcotics don't work for, so I have to go to higher doses or turn to shooting up. It's not a glamourous choice, and if I had my way, I wouldn't be in any pain so harsh that I have to sneak at the pub to get it. I wouldn't  have to have Nick duck down in my car when I'm taking him the the supplier in exchange for a hit, when a police car goes by. Because we get pulled over when the cops see him in the car with me. I'm well known to the police here. They know I'm doing shit, they just don't have the evidence to book me because I've been careful. I shoot before I leave the pub. I dispose of my materials before I leave.

I don't recommend that people in pain turn to heroin. I don't recommend that anyone get a habit or become a hype. I don't believe that I have a habit. I don't think I am a hype. I use when I am in pain or serious withdrawal, and that is it. I don't use every day and I can go for months without using. I just wish that more people understood why using is something that I do for pain relief and the occasional withdrawal relief and not something habitual.

4 comments:

SecondVoice said...

How old is Nick? I assume he's your son? Does he understand what's going on when you take him to the supplier?

Megan said...

Sounds like the doc needs a little heart-to-heart - he needs to find you something to manage the pain so you don't have to self-medicate, eh?

JCH4DCU said...

Wow, I can't imagine what you live through daily if that's what you turn to. I'm ill-equipped at any meaningful comment but, I will say, I am wishing you the best of luck on your struggle to overcome some serious pain.

Jessica Martin said...

Here from ICLW. I've never suffered with chronic pain, so I won't judge your choices. My father broke his neck and is paralyzed from the waist down, and he suffers every day. The only thing that helps him is marijuana and thank God he lives in Colorado where he can now legally purchase it. It sucks that you have to resort to these measures but I can understand why you do.

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