I really wish these stat spammers had their useless sites up their asses. If your product isn't doing so well, don't spam me! I don't care for whatever it is that you're trying to scam others with!
I feel bad, emotionally, today. I wish there were a place I could go to where I didn't feel like I was a pain in the ass of the people I live with. I am just trying to live and survive, and I am referred to as "the pain in the ass". I don't mean to be! I am sick! I am not "taking advantage of" having cancer! If I had a choice, I would choose to not have this disease!
But that is not how I am treated. Right now? I'm still having that double vision, so I can't do anything correctly. I try and try, but with my vision messing up, I really can't do anything other than relax and work on my paper work. I was supposed to start work today, because the professors start some two weeks before the students come back. But no. I had to help out with my mother and she gave me a hard time about that. She then went on to tell me that I needed to give her some money. What? Um, no. I have a small family that I am supporting right now, so I can't help her. When she asked why, I said that I had not gone back to work for the fall, and I had no money. She suggested that I "get off my lazy fat ass" and go job hunting! What the hell...? When I said the only things out there for work was probably Quik Trip or a fast food job, perhaps a job sacking or checking out groceries, she said that was "good enough for me" and I should do it!
IUm... mommie dearest? Perhaps you missed out on the fact that I am doped up because I have cancer?! Did you miss that IV catheter in my arm? What about the medicine patches on my upper arm? Did you forget about the painful bone spurs that have sprouted from my spine? The whole mess upsets me. When I reminded her of all of that, she got pissed off and said that I was "taking advantage of" having cancer. How in the world could I do that?! This is not the first time she has claimed I am taking advantage of this deadly disease. Every time she wants money from me, she tells me how I can work, or should be working. It's really frustrating that I have to put up with these things.
I spent a good amount of time crying over this because my mother is supposed to care about me and be on my side. Not demand money from me, and when I cannot provide that, she claims I am using a deadly disease as an excuse to not get a second or third job to give her money.
I am sorry that I have clouded this blog with my sob story. I hate that I do not have a good relationship with my mother. I wish for almost nothing else in the world, but to be well, live long and into my prime, and to have a good relationship with my mother. I deserve at least those things.
I will write again tomorrow.
1 comments:
This is always hard to accept, because we're hardwired to love our mothers, but sometimes they are vicious, poisonous people.
My grandmother is one such mother. My brother-in-law has such a mother.
My grandmother has been just as evil, manipulative, and cruel as any one person can be. It hurts my mom so much, but she has continued to be strong.
How badly abusive was my grandmother? She has been a part of trying to steal land that my grandfather left my mom, and she has said and wished unbelievably horrible things on my mom.
When my grandmother was in the hospital with a heart attack, she refused cathetarization, she refused any sort of surgery or exploratory treatment.
My mom tried to talk to her and keep her from attacking the nurses. My grandmother told my mom I have just one wish in life: To live long enough to see you in worse shape than I am now." That devastated my mom.
To maintain her health, sanity, and strength she has had to disconnect from her mother, brother, and sister. It's been for the best, but it really hurts her.
Reading your post reminded me once again how lucky I am to have been born with the mom and dad I was born with.
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